Hello Friends,

I hope this finds you well and safe and enjoying the season of Mabon. Here in Western Maine we have moved from the warmth of late summer into crisp, cool mornings and evenings. Life has been busy, but I’ve managed to get outside and enjoy the changing of the seasons. One of my favorite places to walk and think is a big field near my house. It has beautiful views of the mountains and runs along a quiet little river. I always joke that this place is my church, my gym and my therapist’s office.

Do you have any special places in nature that you enjoy?

Turns out I am Not Taylor Swift and I Can’t Do It With a Broken Heart

You may have wondered where I’ve been for the past month. I mentioned over on Patreon that I was taking a hiatus from Mabon House while I got my bearings around nursing school and life in general. But that was not all that was the full story.

One area of life that I rarely share about is my personal relationship. My significant other and I have always kept things private and low key. We’ve been together for well over a decade. We don’t share kids or live together or co-mingle finances. We just had this kind of unique relationship of his place/my place and it worked for a long time. Until it didn’t. So on top of school and work and life in general, I’ve also been weathering a rather gut wrenching break up. I have forgotten how much heartache hurts. I think the worst is over, but for a few weeks I wasn’t able to do anything beyond the bare minimum, while listening in turns to Taylor Swift and Noah Kahn on repeat.

I’ve experienced enough loss of loved ones over the past few years to recognize that what I am feeling most right now is strait up grief. I’m just grieving for the relationship and the empty place where it used to be.

It was not a dramatic, angry ending. Rather two people who love each other, but recognize our paths no longer align. I’m glad that we left things on good terms. But there are moments when I think it’d be easier if I was just angry. Anger blunts the sharp edges of loneliness, grief and sadness.

To be honest, I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to continue writing at all, I was feeling so overwhelmed. And I know there are more ups and downs to come, but today feels like a good day.

The leaves are beginning to fall and my gardens are full of delicate asters and dancing goldenrod. The growing season is in its last act and soon we will bid goodbye to all the reminders of the past year. It is both an ending and a new beginning.

So thank you for being here, friends.

side note: I love Noah Kahn, but one should not listen to his music if one if already feeling sad and depressed.