Core Values: Creating a Life of Authenticity
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Our values serve as the guiding principles that shape your beliefs, behaviors, and decisions. To live with intention and build a life that feels purposeful, it’s important that you understand what your values are. Figuring out what you value in life will help you to discern the kind of life you want to cultivate, while also being realistic about your actions. It's easy to set goals or desire things that align with societal values but may not necessarily support the life you truly want to have. Following societal values can inadvertently steer individuals towards the wrong career or the wrong partner, making life more challenging than necessary. By acknowledging personal values, you can make choices that will help you build a life of purpose and joy, as well as make you more resilient in the face of challenges.
What Are Values, Exactly?
Values, in essence, are your fundamental beliefs and principles that serve as a guiding force for your attitudes, behaviors, and decisions. They act as a compass, helping you navigate through life and make choices aligned with what you deem important. Your values encompass a broad spectrum, ranging from moral and ethical beliefs to personal and social principles.
These core values play a pivotal role in shaping your perception of right and wrong, influencing your priorities, and contributing to the formation of your identity. Deeply rooted and influenced by factors like culture, family upbringing, personal experiences, and societal norms, your values act as a foundation upon which you build the life you want to lead.
Understanding your values is crucial for living authentically and intentionally, allowing you to make decisions that resonate with your beliefs and contribute to a purposeful life. They are an integral part of who you are and guide you in navigating the complexities of the world around you.
Raising children helped me to identify many of my core values. As a single mom working full time, it was important for me to have quality time with my kids. This meant prioritizing a career that kept me close to home, over more lucrative corporate options that would have required a two hour daily commute. For me, the 10 hours saved a week from not having to commute was more important than earning a higher salary.
Values Can Change Over Time
As you move through the various phases of life, your values naturally undergo shifts and transformations. In your youth, priorities may center around exploration, independence, and personal freedom. Transitioning to adulthood, responsibilities, relationships, and career aspirations can reshape the importance you place on different values. Parenthood might introduce a heightened emphasis on family, security, and stability. Experiences, cultural exposure, and evolving perspectives may lead to a reevaluation and adjustment of your values. Life's challenges and successes also play a crucial role in shaping the principles that guide your decision-making. Recognizing and embracing these shifts contribute to a more nuanced understanding of yourself and can improve your adaptability as you navigate changes in your life.
Sometimes negative experiences help shape our values
Growing up in a chaotic home where we sometimes had money and sometimes did not, I’ve learned the value of financial stability. Even though I didn’t make a ton of money when my kids were younger, I was (and am) very good with my finances. I prioritize savings first, and can always stretch what’s left in my checking account til the end of the month. That’s not to say it was always easy. I definitely had a good amount of mom guilt that I wasn’t taking my kids on vacation to Disney or buying them all the newest electronics. But there was no way I could do those things without going into debt or being late on my bills. Because I was clear about my financial goals and the value of stability associated with them, it was easier to make hard decisions. I was never really tempted to overspend and this allowed me to build meaningful memories without compromising my financial stability.
Rejecting Society's Values
Society and culture play an important part in shaping our values. Traditional Western values like marriage, higher education, and earning a lot of money are what often drive our decision making. But when you take time to think about what kind of life you really want, you may find that your values don’t always align with the majority.
I found that the pressure to get married again after divorce was Intense. I don’t know why. I obviously wasn’t very good at being married the first time. But my friends and family thought I should get married again ASAP. For a while, this emphasis on being married in order to be whole left me feeling confused and a little depressed. I have a wonderful partner whom I’ve never lived with, never co-parented with, and never mingled finances with. We keep completely separate lives and are only together because we want to be together. We take turns staying at each other's houses and spend holidays together. But during the normal 9 - 5 week, we don’t see each other much. We both value our independence and our alone time. When I finally accepted the fact that I really didn’t want to get married again - at least not while my kids were still at home, I felt much lighter. I value the love and connection I have with my partner, regardless if we check society’s box of acceptable relationships.
Choose Values for Growth, Not Validation
Pursuing education or career paths for personal growth, not external validation, is an example of understanding that personal fulfillment comes from within. This involves aligning life choices with intrinsic values and avoiding the pitfalls of seeking validation solely from external sources. I call this the “It Looks Good On Paper” trap. Have you ever met someone who chose a career because it paid it a lot and/or is considered prestigious? And they hate their job? Perhaps it’s a misalignment in their values, or they truly do value money and titles over general happiness. For me, I value building community through my work. I would never feel truly fulfilled in a business - corporate setting that was focused on profits over people, no matter how much it paid.
Prioritizing Mental Health and Work-Life Balance
Another important value for me is taking care of myself. It is so easy to push our health to the back burner, because our day jobs become all consuming. Avoiding excessive dedication to work at the expense of my mental and physical health reflects my recognition of the importance of work-life balance.
Balancing Your Values with Reality
As you examine your personal values, resist the urge to create an idealized version of your life — a "Perfect You." Idealization may lead to an exhaustive list of improvements and experiences that may not be realistically achievable. In the age of information overload, focus on what truly matters and identify realistic actions for your day-to-day life.
Finding Authenticity in Decisions
Understanding and living by your values is not about creating an unattainable ideal. It's about embracing the authenticity of your decisions, making choices aligned with your beliefs, and finding fulfillment in the midst of life's complexities. Reflect on the real-life examples shared, and consider how your values shape your decisions, relationships, and overall sense of purpose. By staying true to yourself, you pave the way for a life that authentically reflects your values and brings lasting satisfaction.
Do you have a set of core values that help guide your life?
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10 Easy Ways to Celebrate Yule
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Yule, also known as the Winter Solstice, is a time of celebration and reflection. Here's a list of 10 easy activities to help you celebrate the season with family and friends or by yourself.
Yule Log Ceremony: Light a Yule log and celebrate the return of the sun. You can create a festive ceremony around it, expressing gratitude for the past year and setting intentions for the coming one.
Winter Solstice Feast: Host a special feast with friends and family, featuring seasonal and local foods. Embrace the spirit of the season with hearty, warm dishes.
Nature Walk or Hike: Take a quiet walk in nature to appreciate the stillness and beauty of winter. It's a great way to connect with the natural world and experience the energy of the season.
Make Yule Decorations: Get creative and make your own Yule decorations. This could include crafting ornaments, wreaths, or even creating a homemade Yule calendar.
Candlelight Meditation: Set aside time for a candlelight meditation. Reflect on the past year, express gratitude, and meditate on your aspirations for the future.
Share Stories and Traditions: Gather with loved ones to share winter stories, folklore, and traditions. This can include reading myths, sharing family stories, or even starting new traditions.
Create a Yule Altar: Set up a special Yule altar in your home with symbolic items like evergreen branches, candles, and seasonal decorations. Use it as a focal point for your celebrations.
Gift Exchange: Exchange meaningful gifts with friends and family. Encourage handmade or locally sourced gifts to add a personal touch and support local artisans.
Yule Carol Singing: Singing festive songs together can be a joyful activity. Choose traditional Yule carols or any songs that bring warmth and happiness to your celebration.
Fire Ritual: If it's safe and you have the space, consider a small outdoor fire ritual. Write down any negative energies or challenges from the past year on pieces of paper and release them into the flames, symbolizing letting go and renewal.
Yule is a time to celebrate the return of light and the promise of new beginnings. Feel free to adapt these activities to suit your personal preferences and beliefs.
**In the process of creating this blog post, I utilized ChatGPT, a language model developed by OpenAI. ChatGPT provided assistance in generating content and refining ideas.
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A History of Christmas Trees and Their Ancient Roots
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One of my first freelance writing gigs almost 20 years ago was a series called The History of Christmas for a now defunct website. I wrote 10 or so different articles about various Christmas traditions from around the world. It remains to this day one of my favorite writing projects. So, for this post I thought I would write about the history of Christmas trees, since the use of evergreens for winter celebrations goes back to ancient times and carries across many different cultures.
Ancient Celebrations & Evergreens
Ancient Celts, Norse, and Germanic people each incorporated evergreen plants into their winter celebrations with unique symbolic meanings. The Celts believed evergreen plants like holly and ivy, with the ability to stay green during winter, represented life's continuity in the darkness. Norse celebrations of Yule included evergreen trees, particularly fir trees, to symbolize the perseverance of life through winter. Germanic tribes utilized evergreen branches and trees for decoration, viewing them as protective symbols against malevolent spirits during the harsh winter months. Across these cultures, evergreens held significance as symbols of protection, resilience, and the cyclical nature of life. Adorning these plants with candles, fruits, and symbolic ornaments added festive elements to rituals and festivities, laying the foundation for the eventual evolution of modern Christmas tree traditions.
Germanic Beginnings
The 16th-century Germans are often credited with popularizing the Christmas tree as we know it today. Bringing entire evergreen trees into their homes, they adorned them with candles, fruits, and nuts, symbolizing hope for the coming spring. One story credits the Reformation leader Martin Luther, for bringing the first Christmas tree home. There is little historical evidence that this actually happened. It was likely a story to help further absorb ancient customs into Christianity.
English and American Customs
The Christmas tree tradition crossed borders, reaching England through Queen Charlotte's influence in the 18th century. However, it wasn't until the 19th century that the Christmas tree gained widespread popularity in England and the United States. Queen Victoria and Prince Albert's illustration with a Christmas tree in the Illustrated London News in 1848 further fueled the tradition's acceptance.
Early American puritans actually banned Christmas in some parts of what is now New England. The Mid Atlantic States, which were settled by many Catholics and members of the Church of England carried on with many of the same Yuletide festivities that included feasting and decorating with evergreens. What we would consider a traditional Christmas tree in the United States is credited to German immigrants in the 19th century, with the first recorded tree appearing in the 1830s. The 1850s saw widespread acceptance, and Godey's Lady's Book played a pivotal role in popularizing the tradition with a depiction of the British royal family celebrating around a Christmas tree.
Neopagans and Christmas Tree
Within neopaganism, the adoption of Christmas trees varies. For some, the evergreen tree symbolizes nature, renewal, and the enduring spirit of life. Neopagans often incorporate unique decorations that hold spiritual significance, aligning with their individual beliefs and practices. Some neopagans celebrate with a Yule Tree or Celebration Tree as part of their Winter Solstice celebrations.
The history of Christmas trees is a tale of cultural fusion and adaptation, with roots reaching deep into the past. As this beloved tradition continues to evolve, neopagans contribute their unique perspectives, adding layers of meaning and symbolism to winter solstice celebrations. The Evergreen Tree, whether it is called a Christmas tree, Yule Tree or something else all together, remains a symbol of hope, connection, and the enduring spirit of the season.
References and Recommended Reading*
The Battle for Christmas by Stephen Nissenbaum
The Book of Holidays Around the World by Alice van Straalen
History of Christmas Trees from History Channel
How the Vikings gave us Christmas from History Channel
Keeping Christmas: Yuletide Traditions in Norway and the New Land by Kathleen Stokker
The Modern Witchcraft Guide to the Wheel of the Year by Judy Ann Nock
**In the process of creating this blog post, I utilized ChatGPT, a language model developed by OpenAI. ChatGPT provided assistance in generating content and refining ideas.
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